Jayna Haney asked:


Here on the Gulf Coast in Texas in September 2008, the daily question was not “How are you?”, it’s “Do you have power yet?” Friends and neighbors on the same street didn’t all have power. Some people in a community got power back the Tuesday after Hurricane Ike, 10 days later- others in the same community were still waiting.

It’s funny how our “vision” changes once things like this happen. The little things like flipping on a switch or using your hair dryer become huge.

Electrical power is one thing. Personal power can be even more important. Today, we cover one of the most difficult areas of struggle for individuals- dealing with what others say about us and to us.

When I began to really apply this message of “don’t take it personally” into my life, it changed me. I used to get my feelings hurt so easily, even as an adult. When I became a single parent, and again, when I joined a stepfamily, I had people say things to me that were extremely hurtful. Some well-intentioned and some not. Finally, I had to get it that it wasn’t about me- otherwise, it would drive me crazy. It really is about others. Here’s to more power in your life- and not just the electric kind!

“Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally. You take it personally because in some way, you agree with whatever is said to you or about you. As soon as you agree, the poison goes through you, and you are trapped. What causes you to be trapped is what we call Personal Importance. Personal importance or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about “me”. During the period of our education and life, we learn to take everything personally. We think we are responsible for everything. Me, me, always me! Quote by Don Miguel Ruiz

Don’t take anything personally. Are you kidding me? “How can I not take things personally?”, you say to me.

Yes, I know. It is an easy statement to make but VERY hard to do. However, no one I know needs to adopt this agreement more than single parent and stepfamily adults. There is nothing harder than dealing with an ex- spouse who is rude to you, a stepchild that is angry at you, former in-laws that talk badly about you, your exes’ friends who insult you or whoever is creating difficult moments for you.

And, in this day and age with email, instant messaging, cell phones, and texting, verbal assaults between exes and other parties can be angry and often.

But rather than reacting and returning the assault, remember that it is not about you (even if they say it is), it is about them. Don’t take things personally.

If you find that you struggle or are sensitive to this particular area, then read this tiny book, “The Four Agreements” by Don Miquel Ruiz, and learn more about this agreement (as well as the other three).
When I first started reading this book, it changed how I looked at things. I stopped seeing others words as directed at me, and started seeing them as a reflection of themselves. Hateful people say hateful things. Hurting people say hurtful things.

In the end, we are only responsible for ourselves. As parents, we are responsible to our children for how we act and how we treat others around us. If you can learn to not take things personally (even when it feels personal), then teach this idea to your children, and eventually, they will be able to introduce into their own lives. What an incredible gift you could give your kids and yourself.

Here are a few key steps to not taking things personally:

- Create a clear disconnect between what people say about you or to you, and the fact that it is about them.

- Vow to STOP reacting and responding to hateful words or actions by other people.

- Do Nothing. Do not return the email, phone call or poison. What kind of person do you want to be?

- Wait 24 hours before you EVER respond to any kind of problematic call, text, email, etc. While my brain tells me to defend myself, I just ignore it.After 24 hours, I usually find that I don’t need to do anything. It really is just about that other person.

- If someone has said something that is particularly hurtful to you, is it true or does it really trigger a feeling from a different person or time?

- If you do respond to someone, remember that hurtful and hateful words and actions are not EVER going to get anyone to change. Plus they are extremely disrespectful. (And what are we teaching our children?)

The book, “The Four Agreements” is a wonderful example of simple ideas that make a lot of sense, and can make a huge difference in the quality of your life.

Take back your power!

If you need help “passing up the poison” or can share where you have done this, I’d love to hear from you.



Vivian

Mikey asked:


I read from something called the Four Agreements this morning and here is a really interesting quote from it:

Don’t Take Anything Personally – Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Make sense?

Olympia

Heather Ash Amara asked:


We have an interesting phobia of death in our culture (the dream we live in). We are silent on the topic, as if talking or thinking about death will cause it to occur more quickly. Instead of something to be feared, followers of Toltec Wisdom view death as one of our greatest tools on the spiritual path. When we allow ourselves to acknowledge the incredibly short span of our lives and the truth that our body, our mind, and this particular incarnation are finite, we can either suffer or get motivated to truly savor life.

Every second of our life can be viewed as a given, a chore, or a miraculous treasure. In subtle ways we each have threads of self-importance and self-effacement that run (often almost simultaneously) through our being:

o I deserve to be alive. I don’t deserve to be alive.

o I should be happy with what I have/what I have done in my life. I should be ashamed by what I have/what I have done in my life.

o I am more important than other people. I am less important than other people.

o I am the master of my universe. I am the victim of my universe.

o I am better than others. I am terrible.
To the Angel of Death, all is equal. There is no better than or worse than, and there is nothing that one can do to avoid the final curtain. This angel takes both the young and the old, the healthy and the sick, the happy and the unhappy. No one is spared, and no one is exempt.

Cultivating your personal relationship with the Angel of Death is an act of power, humility, and freedom. Take a few breaths and sink into the knowing that everything about your life, from your car to your children to your home to your memories, from your clothes to your friends to your preferences to your bones, belongs to the Angel of Death. Everything you see around you is on loan from her for the tiny amount of time you are incarnate. What do you want to do with the precious gift of your life?

Consciously calling in the Angel of Death for fun and profit is not an outlandish idea, but a way to take yourself less seriously and increase your sense of abundance. It is easier to remember to play and enjoy nature, your friends, and the delicious aspects of life when you weigh, “If this were my last day on the planet would I want to spend it worrying about xyz or loving abc? Do I want to clamp down on my energy and be serious about what I have to do next, or lighten up and taste the beauty around me?”

It is easy to become complacent and fall into old habits and patterns when you live your life as if it were a string of endless days. Whereas, when you embrace that the Angel of Death is standing just behind your left shoulder, as the Toltec masters say, patiently waiting, you can use her to bring spark, passion, and deep awareness to everything you do. This attitude will bring you profit and abundance. It puts you in a perspective where taking the next bite of food is a gift, touching someone you love is a gift. Even the person at work who presses your buttons almost every day is a gift, because you are alive, gratefully.

“Wake up, this moment is precious!” the Angel of Death whispers in your ear. “While you are an infinite spirit, your body is finite, your experience is finite. Savor it. Take risks. Love fiercely. Play. Shine your unique expression into the world.”

Her timing is a mystery. From the child who dies at birth to your 95-year old grandparent taking their last breath, there is no right and wrong to who goes. There is no need to blame or criticize the Angel of Death; she is just doing her job. Your job is to live and open to all the richness of your experiences before she comes to claim you.

I invite you to start a new love relationship with death. This is not an invitation to become morbid, hopeless, and distraught, e.g., “There is nothing I can do, I am going to lose everything and it is a tragedy”. Rather, begin a relationship of mutual respect, admiration, and joy. In this relationship with Death you are saying, “Thank you for loaning me this body, I am so grateful. Thank you for loaning me this child, I am so grateful. Thank you for loaning me this job, I am so grateful.” What abundance.

Transform your vision of death from a punishing, random murderer to a cherished, loving force of nature. Can you learn to love Death as you love vibrant sunsets, snow-capped mountains, and the ocean under a full moon? If you can, then life will be truly magical.



Wyatt