Sharmen Lane asked:


You’ve probably heard of the book The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. It’s a great read and I highly recommend it. One of the agreements, and the most difficult in my humble opinion, is Don’t Take Anything Personally. Easier said than done, yes, but possible nonetheless.

Take a look at how often each and every day you take something personally. Someone cuts you off while driving. Does that have anything to do with you? NO! Someone is rude to you on the phone, does that have anything to do with you…NO!

How easy is it to get offended by someone or something these days? If you think about it, we could find lots of things to take personally or take offense to every minute of every day if we wanted to. Recently, I received a phone call from a person who was driving and was cut off by someone else on the road. My friend was so irritated by other driver who had cut him off as if he had done something wrong.

I asked my friend, “Why do you think this person did this to you? His answer was, “I don’t know I guess he was just looking to put me in a bad mood. I chuckled and said, “Do you really think it had anything at all to do with you?” He said “Yes. I’m the person he cut off and then proceeded to flip off as if I was doing something wrong. It had everything to do with me!!!” I said “I understand, but why do you think he chose you to do this too. He said I don’t know, what’s your point? I responded with, I find it interesting that you think because it happened to you that it was about you?

Things are going to happen to us no matter what. The check out lady at the grocery store will be rude, the guy at the newsstand will say something condescending, customer service at the phone company will be short and snappy, the server at a restaurant will roll his eyes when you ask a question about the menu. BUT, if you think about it in the end none of it has anything to do with you.

So ask yourself this question every time you find yourself getting upset or worked up over something someone says or does, “Is this about me?” or “Does this really have anything to do with me?” Chances are the answer is no, so you can put it in a bubble and blow it away. Remember, things other people say and do… It’s not personal.

For more information, please visit my website www.sharspeaks.com

 



Viola

Ernie Fitzpatrick asked:


I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked the question, why not me? What about me? Why did they get that? Ad nauseum. The world is basically how we represent it to ourselves. Someone put it this way, “I give all the meaning there is to everyhting I see (experience). I, the big I. You, we, and whomever give life it’s meaning in some form or fashion. Who wants to take the blame? Who wants the responsibility?  

Life was much easier to navigate when we saw the world as a MACHINE!

Someone out there simply wound it up and it’s been running ever since. There wa this BIG BANG and we’ve been off to the races, working out on the treadmill for eternity- and will be. Ah, but what we’ve come to understnad, for those that want to understand, is that the world is more like a THOUGHT than a MACHINE!

Machines are impersonal and cold. Thoughts can be as well; however, they are also warm, fuzzy, loving, and creative. As as a man thinks in his heart so is he- so is she! So are we! So, as you look around the planet these days you see a mixture of good and bad. What we have to do is to re-learn!

We need to let go of the “things are or are not happening to me” and get on with I AM a happening! We must quit trying to personalize or as Don Miguel Ruiz puts it, “We must not take offense at everything that happens to us.” It’s a reversal of how we’ve been trained. One of my favorite authors, Russell Targ wrote, ” I am much more interested in questioning answers, than my previous speciality of answering questions.”

That’s not negative in any way.

In fact, it’s life-giving and life-sustaining. George Bernard Shaw said,  “Some people see things that are and sask why, others see things that never have been and say why not?” Forget asking why me. Start asking why not? A whole new world of consciousness will awaken when you do.



Vivian

Raven Smith asked:


The routines of our lives are an amazing source of energy, energy that is bound up in a dull cycle of illusion. It is time to wake up. It is time to live a joyous life where each moment stretches to an infinite expression of divine bliss. Sound good? Then let’s roll up our sleeves and get to work.

Every moment spent in routine is a moment spent unconscious. When we look at our lives as an expression of divine consciousness, then every moment of routine is a moment wasted, an opportunity missed to truly experience ourselves as God/Goddess.

We fall into routine because that is what we are taught. We are trained to look away from our greatness, we are modeled mediocrity and dullness, and we are force fed a diet of perceived scarcity and fear. The result is we look for sameness and stability in our lives, sacrificing the incredible mystery of this lifetime for the pale illusion of security. We are promised safety if only we will conform, do the right thing, follow the rules, be a good student/friend/mother/father/member of society. But security is a false promise driven by the fear of the unknown, and ultimately the fear of our own death.

How do we bring joy back into our life? How do we break the mold of seeking external validation and embrace the mystery at the core of our being? The place to begin is where we act out basic routines in our life. They sap our energy and dull our consciousness. Breaking these routines enhances our awareness, brings us fully present in each moment, and ultimately allows us to come to a place of true choice. It is a good first step in becoming capable of consciously embracing whatever is arising in our lives and living it fully, aware and awake to the fact that everything in every moment is God expressing herself in infinite variety and beauty.

Look closely at your life. Most people get up at the same time every day, go through the same morning grooming ritual, make the same breakfast, drive to work the same way, talk to the same people day in and out, drive home the same way, eat dinner at the same time, zone out in front of the TV, brush their teeth and go to bed. They spend their weekends in the same kinds of places, pay their bills at the last minute each month, call their parents once a week/month, and dread tax time every year.

What most people fail to recognize is that every great moment they can remember came as a surprise; something unexpected happened, and the impact of the unexpected affected them more in one moment than a whole year of living the “good life” ever could. We gloss this fact over, pretending that our control mechanisms are keeping us safe. We “tick-tock” through life like zombies in a dream, waiting for the day when it will all change, yet never releasing enough control to truly change anything.

Then suddenly one day we are dying, it all comes to an end, and we are stuck in fear of the unknown in our last moments, finally forced into an understanding that we have no idea what is going to happen next, and we never did.

Breaking routines is a simple practice, but as with all good spiritual practices it is not so easy to accomplish. Truly bringing awareness to each moment is a daunting task, when faced with the fact that most of us are unaware for most of the day. The important thing is to start somewhere, and to start with something simple. Brush your teeth with your non-dominant hand for a week. Set the alarm for five minutes earlier or later each day. Practice fluidity in getting ready for work: make it happen in five minutes one day and stretch it out for an hour the next. Drive to work a different route every day.

There are an infinite number of ways to break routines. Look at your own life and get creative. Slowly but surely go after every habitual place in your life, seeking presence and awareness in everything you do.

The ancient Toltec of Mexico called their system of breaking routines “not doings” because it often has you “not doing,” or doing the opposite of what you habitually do. At Spiritual Integrity we offer spiritual life coaching, drawing on tools and practices from Toltec and other shamanic traditions. Below are some suggestions we offer for different levels of not doings. Look at your life and see which ones are most appropriate for you, and do them. Reclaim the energy and awareness you need to connect more deeply every day.

Beginning Not Doings

o Brush your teeth with your non-dominant hand.

o Eat with your non-dominant hand.

o Change your route to work every day.

o Get up at different times and go to bed at different times.

o Eat at different times each day from when you normally do.

o Walk around your house backwards as you do your normal routines.

Intermediate Not Doings

o Do a one-day water or juice fast once a week.

o Don’t talk about your personal history at all for a week (no stories about the past and no reminiscing about the past with other people).

o Go into silence for a day.

o Do not verbalize any judgments or opinions for a week.

Advanced Not Doings

o Spend an entire day focusing on the spaces between things as you move through the world.

o Spend a day focusing on shadows instead of where light is hitting.

o Take one hundred totally conscious breaths as you move through your day (not all at once). If you lose count then start over at one.

o Turn every judgmental thought about another person or event into a two-minute exercise of appreciation and gratitude for other aspects of them.

As always set up specific parameters for what you are doing and limit it to a structured amount of time. Evaluate how it went at the end of the time period and adjust what you want to do next. Take note of changes in the amount of awareness, energy, and peace you have as a result of the practices. Most of all, have fun with all your experiments.



Weston

Raven Smith asked:


On the Toltec Wisdom Path we talk about using death as an advisor, surrendering ourselves to the Angel of Death, but how many of us have considered the enormity of this concept and the incredible value of this tool?



Everyone has an intellectual understanding that they will die. You cannot refute the evidence of the physical world: nobody who has a body gets out of here alive. But have you internalized the fact that this existence, this being that you think you are, and this mind will at some point cease to exist? Who you really are may continue in another form, but who you think you are, your personality, the “I” in any statement you make about yourself or your life has a finite existence.



What if you believed each moment was your last? Your last chance to take an action, to speak your truth, to love yourself, to love somebody else, to think a thought, to be with the wonder, mystery, and joy of being alive in a body. Can you imagine the richness this perspective could bring to every minute of your life? Imagine the freedom: no time for normal hassles; this is your last moment. Only the decision of how best to use it would fill your mind. Imagine living from that place in your everyday life.

Can you imagine living as if each moment was your last? If not, then look at what is in the way of you living each moment so fully. Clearing these obstacles is the work before you. Being on a spiritual or personal development path is about clearing away the things that keep you from enjoying this present moment. Your entire life comes into existence and disappears in each moment. If you are not aware of the moment, then you are living a dream of the past or a projection into the future. Why waste your time with past or future when the juice is happening right now? Why waste the opportunity of this lifetime, the only one you will ever have as this body, this personality?



The key to living our lives in the present is bringing the proper mood to how we view death. We don’t need the morbid, whining, victimized mood of a society that doesn’t want to think about death, that says it’s not fair, it’s sad, or it’s too depressing. We need the mood of a Toltec warrior. This Toltec view of death is exemplified in the following quote from Don Juan to Carlos Castenada in the Journey to Ixtlan:

“For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to convince you that you must assume responsibility for being here, in this marvelous world, in this marvelous desert, in this marvelous time. I wanted to convince you that you must learn to make every act count, since you are going to be here for only a short while; in fact, too short for witnessing all the marvels of it.”

To assume this mood in our lives we must take responsibility for our actions. Taking responsibility means measuring each act we take against the fact that death is waiting, ready to tap us on the shoulder at any minute. It means doing our best all the time. It means neither judging ourselves nor trying to bypass dealing with issues that arise so we can pretend to be in the present. It means seriously looking at what is keeping us out of the present moment and committing to doing whatever work is necessary to bring our full awareness and presence into each delicious minute left to us in this great mystery of existence.



Vincent

Heather Ash Amara asked:


We have an interesting phobia of death in our culture (the dream we live in). We are silent on the topic, as if talking or thinking about death will cause it to occur more quickly. Instead of something to be feared, followers of Toltec Wisdom view death as one of our greatest tools on the spiritual path. When we allow ourselves to acknowledge the incredibly short span of our lives and the truth that our body, our mind, and this particular incarnation are finite, we can either suffer or get motivated to truly savor life.

Every second of our life can be viewed as a given, a chore, or a miraculous treasure. In subtle ways we each have threads of self-importance and self-effacement that run (often almost simultaneously) through our being:

o I deserve to be alive. I don’t deserve to be alive.

o I should be happy with what I have/what I have done in my life. I should be ashamed by what I have/what I have done in my life.

o I am more important than other people. I am less important than other people.

o I am the master of my universe. I am the victim of my universe.

o I am better than others. I am terrible.

To the Angel of Death, all is equal. There is no better than or worse than, and there is nothing that one can do to avoid the final curtain. This angel takes both the young and the old, the healthy and the sick, the happy and the unhappy. No one is spared, and no one is exempt.

Cultivating your personal relationship with the Angel of Death is an act of power, humility, and freedom. Take a few breaths and sink into the knowing that everything about your life, from your car to your children to your home to your memories, from your clothes to your friends to your preferences to your bones, belongs to the Angel of Death. Everything you see around you is on loan from her for the tiny amount of time you are incarnate. What do you want to do with the precious gift of your life?

Consciously calling in the Angel of Death for fun and profit is not an outlandish idea, but a way to take yourself less seriously and increase your sense of abundance. It is easier to remember to play and enjoy nature, your friends, and the delicious aspects of life when you weigh, “If this were my last day on the planet would I want to spend it worrying about xyz or loving abc? Do I want to clamp down on my energy and be serious about what I have to do next, or lighten up and taste the beauty around me?”

It is easy to become complacent and fall into old habits and patterns when you live your life as if it were a string of endless days. Whereas, when you embrace that the Angel of Death is standing just behind your left shoulder, as the Toltec masters say, patiently waiting, you can use her to bring spark, passion, and deep awareness to everything you do. This attitude will bring you profit and abundance. It puts you in a perspective where taking the next bite of food is a gift, touching someone you love is a gift. Even the person at work who presses your buttons almost every day is a gift, because you are alive, gratefully.

“Wake up, this moment is precious!” the Angel of Death whispers in your ear. “While you are an infinite spirit, your body is finite, your experience is finite. Savor it. Take risks. Love fiercely. Play. Shine your unique expression into the world.”

Her timing is a mystery. From the child who dies at birth to your 95-year old grandparent taking their last breath, there is no right and wrong to who goes. There is no need to blame or criticize the Angel of Death; she is just doing her job. Your job is to live and open to all the richness of your experiences before she comes to claim you.

I invite you to start a new love relationship with death. This is not an invitation to become morbid, hopeless, and distraught, e.g., “There is nothing I can do, I am going to lose everything and it is a tragedy”. Rather, begin a relationship of mutual respect, admiration, and joy. In this relationship with Death you are saying, “Thank you for loaning me this body, I am so grateful. Thank you for loaning me this child, I am so grateful. Thank you for loaning me this job, I am so grateful.” What abundance.

Transform your vision of death from a punishing, random murderer to a cherished, loving force of nature. Can you learn to love Death as you love vibrant sunsets, snow-capped mountains, and the ocean under a full moon? If you can, then life will be truly magical.



Wyatt