Toltec Wisdom
Wisdom of The Four Agreements and Beyond
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Do Say What You Really Mean to Prevent Any Lost Trust in Your Making Up Relationship
Posted on September 13th, 2008 No comments
dhlim88 asked:
Do say what you really mean to prevent any lost trust in your making up relationship
I know that some couples are very afraid of saying something wrong to their love partners and feel very self-controlled and hardly feel any sense of security for themselves. These sorts of problems have been happening around and as a writer of this article, I am going to share that there is nothing for you to fear, because no matter what, as long as you have the faith and trust with your love partner, everything will be fine. However, you have to bear in mind forever that you have to say something that is relevant, not anything that is so stupid and lame that other people may be classifying you as childish acts.
The first agreement is “be impeccable with your word.” In other words, speak with integrity–saying only what you mean. We think this is really important in relationships of all kinds and especially in intimate ones. If you aren’t impeccable with your word, trust begins to erode within the relationship–and we’re not just talking about the big stuff. Our belief is that there is no small stuff in relationships.
When Karen Sim bought her new used Buick, the dealership couldn’t find the remote control and an extra key. In fact they said that this model didn’t come with one. A mechanic even looked at it and said that it wasn’t wired for a remote. To Karen Sim, a remote is a nice amenity but not a necessity. But–she’d had one with her previous car and this new car just didn’t feel as nice because there was something missing. Trying to get to the bottom of the problem, Pete sat in the dealership and made the dealers look in the specs to see if a remote was standard equipment for this model or not. To make a long story short, Pete managed to get a remote for the car.
Because we were told that the car didn’t have a remote and it through persistence found out it did, we have an issue with trust with that dealership. We’ll put a question mark in front of anything they say from now on. Isn’t this the way it is in relationships? It’s like Steven Covey’s concept of the emotional bank account in “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.” Good deeds, kind words and following through on your agreements build deposits in your emotional bank account with another person. False statements, not following through on agreements create withdrawals in an emotional bank account in a relationship. The idea is that you must make many more deposits than withdrawals to keep the trust level high between the two of you.
Being impeccable with your word means following through on what you say you’re going to do. Karen Sim asked Pete to use the weed eater the clear the weeds along the driveway this weekend and Pete said he would. Although this is a small matter, if he hadn’t followed through and whacked the weeds when he said he would, some of the trust between them would be eroded. When we don’t follow through on what we say we’re going to do on the small stuff, doubt creeps in about follow through on the “big stuff” too.
Being impeccable also means being conscious of what you say and the intention behind it. Have you ever said something that you really didn’t mean? As soon as it left your mouth, you wished you could capture it and destroy it before anyone could hear it? The challenge of being impeccable is to be aware of how you are feeling, watch what triggers you, and stay in the present moment without reacting from past unhealthy patterns and old family tapes.
This week as you go through your day, be very aware of what comes out of your mouth. Be very conscious of what promises you make and what you say to someone when you are emotionally triggered. Make a new agreement, as Don Miguel Ruiz says, to be impeccable with your word.
Indeed, life is short. Don’t let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again.
I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.
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Viola
